Saturday, December 30, 2006

Penat

Penat dan gering...

Exam, exam...

My family came down the other day... nice few days... but I hate it everytime my family come to town... because they can't stay here forever i.e. they've to go home and leave me here all alone...

Homesick

Saturday, November 18, 2006

It hurts to fall again

Again in life,
I fell into a deep pitfall,
A pitfall full of questions,
A pitfall full of decisions,
to make and not to be left alone,
For this heart hurts so much with every dying minutes,
Every second that flew,
without things to do,
I felt the presence of you,
Long has it been the last I felt such intensity,
Yet I knew this is as grandiose as it could possibly be,
For I'm not able to make such spending spree,
To tell or not to tell thee.

If only thee and I not so different,
For the gap between us are,
beyond the limit that I could bare.

And due such,
I am burning,
I am dying,
bit by bit inside,
My heart ponders on choices at hand,
One seems likelier than the other,
But the likelier one kills my standing altar,
For choosing to shut means letting myself die,
And letting my heart cry,
With invinsible tears that I could only wish you could see...

And dear,
Believe me when I say this,
It sure hurts to fall again.

Picturesque 6


That twisted path... is shaded with love and compassion...


Tis earth is big enough for all to share... yet refuse they did not to share the wonders and blessings of the world



Look back at the things of your past doings... there are mistakes to ponder, dreams to catch up with, and deeds to redo


Things might seem further than they are...


Some people are deprived from colours in their life... be greatful of the things that you have... some if not all of the colours are still there...


Look far ahead... you know what they say; those who fail to plan, plan to fail


Macam iklan dunhill... Gaya, mutu, keunggulan...


There are many things in life that is neither white nor black, but sticks in the middle as grey




Testing kamera power Amar...


Sunday, November 05, 2006

How Media Manipulates Stuffs - A Re-enlightenment

I would like to first of all congratulate my little bro. Saturday was his graduation day from MRSM Q-Ber :) Best of luck in your SPM! My prayers and papa's and mama's will always be with you! U'll ace them all insya Allah!


Darfur

I read an article in Epigram, UoB's official student mag on Darfur the other day. It was provocative I must say. Not because of the issue at hand (i.e. Darfur, which I already 'knew' about) but because of the 'side-issue' that accompanies it.

Darfur lately managed to make the headline for all the wrong reason. Genocides were said to happen as the Arab Janjaweed tribe were said to have slayed every single African in sight. There were refugee camps organized all over the country (the term being - Internally Displaced People, other common example would be the people in Palestine and Lebanon which was deprived of their own shelter), some even in neighbouring Chad, Ethiopia, Uganda, Kenya and few other countries. Rape, murder is a common happenings. In fact the article claimed that only women are brave enough to go out of the refugee camp and search for food. Why? Because women by nature have added value to themselves, 'for sexual pleasure' (I quote). Men were only worth dead.


What's worse is, the government of Sudan were said to supply ammunitions (and at times, manpower!) to wipe off the African tribe from the face of the earth!
To my ignorance at the time of reading the article, I thought Sudan is another small African country, size as well as economy-interest-wise. But the presence of a few thousands African Union peacekeepers to peacekeep in Darfur, a region as big as France, tells me quite a different story about the size of Sudan.

What about economy? Well, I am still at that stage a bit ignorant about Sudan's economy.
What is the side issue that interests me? It is the fact that the US of A and its allies are trying to rally UN peacekeepers into Sudan. Sudan rejected this proposal (which only came out 1 or 2 years ago) and compromised by having the AU peacekeepers instead. But they are not satisfied, they are still trying to push soldiers into Sudan. And to me (at this point in time) that proposal sounds sensible and unselfish enough (unlike some other peacekeeping and anti-terror proposals).

To my horror, China vetoed against the proposal!
I never heard China doing such things before and I said to myself, this awaken dragon is a mean one...

Two days later I discussed the issue with another medic. She's from Sudan, but lived in the UK all her life. Her parents are Sudanese but migrated to the UK even before she was born. She went back every now and then to visit her relatives and do the usual stuff when people went back somewhere.

And interestingly enough she has got different ideas about the happenings in Darfur. To her there is actually no big issue or genocide or whatever. In fact she said that not many people in Sudan actually think there is an ongoing genocide in Darfur. The so-called 'genocides' have been happening since the 1980s. It is nothing close to a genocide, but rather a simple conflict between two tribes in dispute of land for cattle and agriculture. Killings happen every now and then but nothing more than killings that happened in Malaysia and the UK. The only thing is, the killings were done by a member of a tribe on the other.


That's refreshing, and severely exposed my ignoramus status.


'Why then,' I asked, 'US said that UN peacekeepers are needed in Darfur?' Her answer was rather simple, 'Oil.' UN peacekeepers are actually not needed in Darfur. The fact of the matter is (according to her) rather the contrary; the USA was the one in need of UN peacekeeper in Darfur. Why did China veto against the proposal? Because China invested a lot on the newly found Sudanese oil. At this point, the jigsawed picture started to become whole for me.

This 'conflict' has been going on for eons (or rather 20 years) and went unnoticed by everyone. Who would be interested in a land dispute between a bunch of farmers, let alone the 'great' USA? And then not too many years ago someone found oil in Sudan. China won the right to invest for oil in Sudan (Petronas did manage to get a piece of the pie as well; but not Exxon and co., haha). USA were pissed and rallied their whole battalion of journalist to blow the conflict out of proportion. When it became a 'big enough deal', UN peacekeepers were proposed. Sudanese government were against it. China vetoed against it. The USA became more pissed and frustrated. Simplistic, yet that's the picture that I get from the two contradictory sources.


Did China do bad though? As in, investing in the Sudanese oil-industry? According to my friend, they did not. At this moment in time, Chinese were literally everywhere in the streets of Sudan. Some of them even married the locals. By investing in the oil-industry they actually did good for the country. Acutely enough, Sudan is now the 35th largest oil producer in the world. By comparison, Malaysia is the 25th and that took us years. Jobs are now in abundant. Unemployment in Sudan was high for decades, estimated to be 18.7% in 2002. Population below poverty line was a soaring 40% in 2004. So jobs are always welcomed in Sudan. Sudan's GDP was a skyhigh 8.0% in 2005, quite high to Malaysia's 5.2% (which was ironically enough the same as Israel's). In short, China did great, as far as this matter of Sudanese oil is concerned.


This enlightment (I hope) is a very enlightening one. The conclusion that I get from this short encounter is rather unrelated to the main issue. Mass media is a major player in shaping up world's view on a certain issue. For all we know, they could say that genocides happen in Malaysia and the world would still believe it. To be fair, IF this enlightening is a rather misdirected one (which I seriously doubt); probably the Sudanese people were misdirected by their government's media. Why I doubt that? I doubt there's even a proper mass media coverage in Sudan (despite the presence of radio and TV stations in Sudan). People simply can't afford them. Everything comes from first hand experience.


Sources: Epigram October 2006, CIA - The World Factbook, a friend (who should remain anonymous)
=)

Friday, October 06, 2006

My first actual break since eons...

Huh... a month has just passed by since I started my third year... so far so good alhamdulillah...

I got into discussion again with her that day... about life... about death...

I said that I would like to die young... at most, 70 years old... obviously it's not something that I can actually choose, but if given the choice, I would certainly prefer to die before then... why? because I think I have seen enough... seeing demented geriatricer who have lost all modesty and dignity... of course not all will be imposed such an ending to life, some in fact are blessed with beautiful ending (as far as worldly ambitions are concerned)...

As for me, I would prefer to go early... to die after a few battles with honour (from Allah, not manly ones)... or die in any other way as a mujahid... and then prejudice come into play... dia cam cuak yg diri ni akan jadi seorang pengebom berani mati... aku cuma mampu ketawa kepada kemungkinan tu... ketawa menyatakan betapa tak mungkin itu terjadi...

Then for some reason, dia ingat aku nk convert dia... hahaha... barangkali satu hari nanti... bukan aritu... belum lagi...

Apa pun... this year I have been given an excellent opportunity to pursue this, and many other things in life... grateful I am to the almighty Allah... regardless of the impossibility of some of the tasks that lie ahead... insya Allah

May I stay focus on the more important things in life, i.e. being able to see the stars that lie behind an apparently large cloud...

Happy 17th birthday to my little brother, Fallah... may he gain success in all tests in life, the more apparent worldly one being SPM =)

Friday, September 29, 2006

Year 3 & Beyond

WELCOME to year 3... ever so exciting year 3... now I'm based in Weston-Super-Mare, more specifically Weston General Hospital... WSM is definitely a lovely place, very very picturesque and very conducive place for education...

The night life in WSM is quite different; quiet and serene. The kind of night life that I love. I spent quite a few nights just laying down in front of my house (a doctor's quaters of 6 rooms with me the only dude) gazing at the nightsky, watching at the ever so wisdom twinkling stars. Wisdom I say? Yes indeed.. The stars seems so small, yet the reality known to all that they are probably the biggest object seen to the naked eye. Then again, such humongous objects are clearly blinded by the apparently large clouds, which known to all much much much smaller and fragile compared to stars... such phenomena is a direct analogy of life... apparently important things are so blinding, so much so that larger but less obvious things becomes unimportant and left behind... and alhamdulillah, I did manage to get her to agree with me, without much resistance... a good and philosophical conversation starter... seriously

Third year life is a bit more challenging than I first expected... having her at the same place is definitely bringing up most of the challenges so far... talk about karma, same place again... i'm starting that there's probably a future (or whatever) for us... dream on dude... far to many obstacles... huhhh... but to be fair though, the challenges actually comes from within myself; or should i say, nafs... not the hospital, not the increasingly beaucratical learning environment and definitely not the patient-contacts... in fact, i kind of like the folks of WSM and the satisfaction of 'curing' people is so good and rewarding at so many different levels... alhamdulillah...


And beyond that, uuhhh... ramadhan... make me so miss home... the nice congregational prayers... praying tarawikh with hundreds other people... so fulfilling... the nice short walk home after tarawikh... and even the whole month in general... aaaahhhhhhhhh... i don't think i could possible find the exact words to describe the feeling...


Oh Allah, may this ramadhan be the best in life yet...

Friday, August 04, 2006

Rayuan Terbuka Buat Siti Nurhaliza

Aritu aku anta kat Utusan mende nih... slalu depa terima jer and publish... ntah apsal dia rejek kali nih.. aku tensi sket2... so aku publish jer lar kat sini... selamat membaca...

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Saudara Pengarang,

Semua orang tahu Siti Nurhaliza akan melangsungkan perkahwinannya tidak sampai sebulan dari sekarang. Dan debaran para peminatnya untuk menyaksikan satu lagi wedding of the year semakin hangat terasa. Berjuta-juta ringgit dilaburkan oleh kedua-dua mempelai untuk menjayakan upacara seumur hidup sekali ini.

Semua orang juga tahu keadaan di Palestin dan Lubnan pada masa sekarang. Jumlah korban jiwa setakat surat ini ditulis sudah mencecah 400 orang. Entah berapa ramai pula yang cedera parah. Kemusnahan harta benda sudah tidak tergambar. Kemajuan teknologi perang Israel menyebabkan Hizbullah dan kerajaan Lubnan tidak mampu mempertahankan Beirut secara terbuka. Ditambah pula dengan baculnya organisasi-organisasi dunia PBB, OIC, Liga Arab, NAM, NATO dan lain-lain yang hanya mampu bersuara, Lubnan kian terhimpit.

Justeru saya ingin merayu kepada saudari Siti Nurhaliza secara terbuka, alihlah sedikit peruntukan kahwin saudari untuk saudara-saudara seIslam kita di Lubnan. Pada saya adalah tanggungjawab saudari kepada agama dan kemanusiaan untuk mengurangkan perbelanjaan perkahwinan saudari. Mungkin para peminat Siti akan kurang berpuas hati dengan pandangan saya yang mungkin tidak adil terhadap saudari, namun perhatikan dahulu rasionalnya.

Pertama, adalah kurang bertanggungjawab untuk mengadakan perkahwinan secara besar-besaran yang mendapat liputan meluas media tatkala saudara-saudara seagama kita terseksa di medan perang. Liputan meluas media akan menyebabkan perhatian rakyat Malaysia ‘sedikit’ teralih kepada saudari buat sehari, sedangkan itu tidak sepatutnya belaku. Perkara ini telah berlaku tempoh hati ketika saudari membuat pengumuman perkahwinan saudari. Justeru dengan mengalihkan sedikit peratusan (sebagai contoh 40% dari kos sebenar), suasana gah akan sedikit berkurang.

Kedua, adalah kurang bertanggungjawab di pihak saudari untuk menghabiskan berjuta-juta ringgit untuk majlis-majlis perkahwinan saudari sedangkan wang itu lebih wajar disalurkan kepada mereka yang lebih memerlukan. Dalam konteks semasa, warga Palestin dan Lubnan. Pada hemat saya adalah tidak adil dan tidak rasional untuk kita di Malaysia merayakan satu majlis individu secara ‘bersungguh-sungguh’, sedangkan mereka di Lubnan sedang berlari bersungguh-sungguh untuk menyelamatkan diri dari dibom.

Ketiga, sumbangan dari saudari menggunakan wang yang diperuntukkan untuk perkahwinan saudari akan secara langsung meningkatkan kesedaran para peminat saudari tentang situasi sebenar di Palestin dan Lubnan. Malah, saya berpendapat sumbangan saudari akan memberi impak yang besar kepada para peminat saudari sehingga mereka mungkin sanggup melaburkan wang untuk membeli saham akhirat ini. Ini ditambah pula dengan imej saudari yang memang sedia positif di kaca mata majoriti rakyat Malaysia.

Saya sedar barangkali sudah terlambat untuk mengatur kembali majlis-majlis saudari. Justeru sebagai peminat saya faham andai saudari tidak dapat memenuhi harapan saya. Namun saya berharap saudari dan seluruh rakyat Malaysia dapat melakukan sesuatu untuk membantu mangsa perang proksi di Palestin dan Lubnan. - Peminat Setia Tak Kecewa


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Semua di atas adalah dari hati aku yg sebenar kecuali part yg aku ngaku aku peminat setia Siti... saja nk sedapkan ati org jer...

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Rangkuman

Pagi itu aku menatap berita. Kebah-kebah hujan membangkitkan aku dari lena. Hujan di Malaysia sememangnya mempunyai aroma paling enak. Lebih enak dari mana-mana aroma hujan dari seluruh dunia.

Seperti biasa, perkembangan Tebing Barat dicari-cari dahulu untuk mengetahui perkembangan semasa. Israel mengebom Lubnan seperti tanah itu tanah ujian peluru berpandu yang biasanya diuji di tengah laut. Atau seperti mereka ingin menghabiskan stok-stok lama agar industri pertahanan Amerika tidak mati. Tidak mengapa, yang mati bukannya bangsa Yahudi yang agung.

Jauh di sudut hati aku melaknat Pertubuhan Bangsa-bangsa Bersatu. Veto Amerika milik Israel sekali lagi menjadi penentu mesyuarat. Apalah gunanya mesyuarat kalau penghujungnya sudah diketahui. Nyata sekali bagiku perjanjian penubuhan PBB merupakan satu medium untuk menanam doktrin keamanan ala barat dalam benak warga dunia. Doktrin yang menekan Islam sejak kejatuhan Khilafah Uthmaniyyah. Masih kuingat cerita orang-orang dahulu. Tentang betapa gahnya ultra-nasionalis dijulang di medan sana tatkala itu. Nah natijahnya sekarang. Terngiang-ngiang di mindaku cemuhan sahabat berbangsa Arabku di United Kingdom terhadap pemimpin-pemimpin bangsanya sendiri. Korup, lemah dan pengecut.

Malam itu kutatap berita di televisyen. “Tajuk utama malam ini : Lubnan terus dibedil, Indonesia dilanda gempa bumi, dan Siti Nurhaliza artis nombor satu tanah air mengumumkan tarikh perkahwinan.” 15 minit pertama daripada berita sejam (tolak iklan 15 minit) itu adalah tentang kahwinnya seorang bakal primadona. Jika dihisab kurang lebih, 1/3 berita adalah tentang kahwinnya beliau.

Berita-berita yang kurang penting seperti pengeboman rejim Zionis yang mula memasuki selatan Lubnan dan gempa bumi Indonesia sebanyak 3 kali dalam sehari sehingga mencetuskan tsunami dihimpit dalam 2/3 terakhir bersama-sama berita-berita kelas ketiga yang lain.

Walau bagaimana sekalipun, nafsu hedonis rakyat Malaysia perlu dilayan. Kehendak massa perlu dituruti. Jika tidak, kurang pula lakunya nanti. Massa di Malaysia ini kian mewah. Jika rakyat Palestin bergelut merintih untuk mengais sisa-sisa pembangunan semalam, rakyat Malaysia tidak berkira sangat jikalau sekadar mahu menghabiskan beberapa ratus ringgit untuk mengundi artis kesayangannya.

Si artisnya pula (atau sewajarnya saya bezakan status mereka dari artis-artis sebenar dengan menggelar artis-artis celup ini artis wannabe) berjanji dengan berhati-hati untuk memberikan persembahan terbaik, “Insya Allah saya akan berikan persembahan terbaik demi peminat.”

Setelah berjaya juga diingatnya Tuhan, “Alhamdulillah saya ingin mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih kepada ibu bapa saya yang tidak jenuh memberi sokongan, ahli keluarga dan terutamanya para peminat yang sudi mengundi saya.” Siapa kata Malaysia negara sekular? Artis-artis ini merupakan contoh terbaik yang rakyat Malaysia mengamalkan agama dalam semua aspek kehidupan. Apapun, peminat pantang dilupakan. Mana tidaknya, perjuangan murni ini hanya mungkin diteruskan dengan restu rakyat. Sekali rakyat memberontak (nauzubillah) musnahlah karier ‘seni’ yang baru bertapak.

Kisah rancangan realiti ini pun menarik. Rakyat Malaysia memang pakar ‘mencetak rompak’ dan meniru pemikiran barat. Apa yang datang dari sana semuanya enak-enak dan bagus belaka. Tak ubah seperti awal 1900an dahulu yang mana sememangnya majoriti produk barat itu bagus. Sekarang, sekurun sudah berlalu. Anak muda gemar benar bercanda di McDonald. KFC kadangkala dianggap lambang kemajuan sesuatu kawasan luar bandar. Golongan muda yang lebih sedikit rezeki ibu bapanya pasti lebih menggemari Star Bucks dari Tongkat Ali Power Root keluaran tempatan.

Tidak mengapalah mereka mahu bersedekah sedikit kepada keterusan rejim Zionis yang secara terang disokong oleh syarikat-syarikat francais ini melalui laman-laman web yang tidak pernah dibaca anak-anak muda tanah Melayu. Mereka tidak suka kepada laman-laman web yang tidak lucah ini, walau setinggi manapun kesedaran yang mungkin diperolehi.

330 pagi esoknya aku terjaga dari tidur dek dentuman yang nyaring memekakkan telinga. Siren berbunyi kuat dan pengumuman dari alat pembesar bergerak pihak berkuasa bergema, “Rejim Zionis Israel sudah mula menyerang Malaysia. Sila tinggalkan halaman rumah anda dan pergi ke tempat perlindungan.” Sepertimana di Lubnan, pihak Zionis sekali lagi tidak lokek mengedar risalah peringatan tentang serangan yang bakal berlaku dalam beberapa minit; ‘memberi peluang’ kepada penduduk untuk meninggalkan halaman rumah yang dibina hasil titik peluh berpuluh tahun agar kemalangan jiwa dapat diminimumkan.

Tahulah aku kemudiannya melalui corong-corong stesen radio kerajaan (yang jijik benar hendak didengar pasca-serangan kerana kualiti yang begitu rendah) yang Israel telah memutuskan untuk menyerang Malaysia kerana mereka mengesyaki rakyat Malaysia telah terlibat dalam kecurian helmet seorang tenteranya di Genting Gaza. Tidak masuk akal, tapi jika direnung kembali, mana pernah mereka ini membuat keputusan yang waras dan masuk dengan norma-norma kemanusiaan. Hatta barangkali serangan ini suatu kesinambungan yang logik.

Kehendak rejim mudah, pulangkan helmet dan hadapkan pencurinya ke mahkamah ‘keadilan’ antarabangsa di The Hague. Kerajaan Malaysia gelabah, bukan mudah hendak dicari pencuri itu, maka alternatif rundingan dicanangkan. Ditolak mentah-mentah oleh Ehud Olmert, pemimpin samseng di sebelah sana.

Dalam sehari sahaja, Putrajaya tinggal debu, Kuala Lumpur rata ibarat padang jarak padang tekukur. Keriangan yang dinikmati sejak setengah kurun lalu, sekelip mata diganti dengan neraka dunia yang mengazabkan.

Indonesia kemudiannya menganjurkan resolusi di Majlis Keselamatan PBB menuntut Israel menghentikan serangan. Disokong 9 anggota, 5 berkecuali dan ditentang dengan veto Amerika. Kehendak ‘Along’ itu mana mungkin disanggah. Pak Lah mengkritik keras kegagalan resolusi itu. Ahli-ahli politik Malaysia turut sama menyatakan sokongan tidak berbelah bahagi terhadap pimpinan Pak Lah.

Di peringkat akar umbi, rakyat terus menderita. Mana mungkin kritikan-kritikan mampu menamatkan serangan yang kian membabi buta. Semalam sebuah hospital bergerak di Johor Bahru dibom, seperti yang berlaku di selatan Lubnan tempoh hari. Kerajaan Malaysia secara terus menerus mencemuh segala jenis pertubuhan di muka bumi ini atas kurangnya tindakan walau mereka secara terus menerus berusaha secara lisan untuk menamatkan pergolakan.

Organisation of Islamic Countries (OIC) dianggap dayus kerana hanya tahu bersuara; itupun dengan suara yang hampir-hampir berbisik. Ironi benar, hanya beberapa hari lepas Malaysia selaku ketua persidangan OIC dan NAM (satu lagi pertubuhan dorman yang suaranya jarang dipedulikan di peringkat antarabangsa, namun mengetuainya tetap merupakan suatu tanggungjawab besar yang mengangkat martabat sesebuah negara) mengulangi kritikan keras terhadap serangan gila Israel di Tebing Barat dan Lubnan.

Pada khalayak rakyat, umumnya bersetuju berdasarkan pungutan suara yang dibuat oleh TV3 yang OIC dan NAM saling tak tumpah kuasanya seperti kuasa Pertubuhan Pengakap di Sekolah Kebangsaan Felda Taib Andak. Teringat aku pada cemuhan sebilangan kecil rakyat Malaysia yang negara ini dayus kerana tunduk kepada kehendak Singapura dalam isu Jambatan Bengkok. Namun kini umumnya bersetuju yang Malaysia adalah negara yang menganggotai (dan mengetuai) pertubuhan-pertubuhan dayus di peringkat antarabangsa.

Tidak kurang juga di kalangan rakyat yang mengkritik negara-negara rumpun Melayu yang tidak pula dapat dipastikan jika wujud pertubuhan khas untuk mewakili mereka. Sama seperti kritikan rakyat Lubnan dan seluruh massa Arab terhadap pemimpin Liga Arab yang besar tapi lembik, rakyat Malaysia tidak sabar-sabar melampiaskan kemarahan terhadap negara-negara serumpun yang hanya kalut menghambur kata-kata sehingga bunyinya seolah-olah tidak keruan lagi.

Sekurang-kurangnya serangan Israel ini berjaya mengalih perhatian ahli-ahli Parlimen Malaysia daripada berbincang isu kasta atasan seperti isu AP dan isu ketidakadilan dalam penjualan Mercedes yang dirampas Kastam kepada tuan-tuan Yang Berhormat. Jelik benar aku selaku rakyat kelas pertengahan yang sekali-sekali pulang ke tanah air mendengar anggota Parlimen yang gah mempertahankan haknya membeli kereta bertaraf chariot zaman Roman pada harga diskaun.

Jauh di sudut hati aku mempersoalkan perlunya anggota Parlimen diberi hak AP dan hak memiliki kereta-kereta mewah menggunakan wang titik peluh yang diamanahkan rakyat. Apalah ketidakselesaan sedikit itu jika dibanding rakyat yang hidup merempat di bawah bangsal usang atau di tepi-tepi denai kotaraya. Mungkin mereka mahu meniru khalifah-khalifah zaman khilafah Islam yang sesetengahnya hidup seperti tidak mahu mati.

Kini aku sedang termangu bersebelahan rakan karibku yang masih meraung-raung kerana kehilangan kesemua 7 ahli keluarganya dalam serangan udara terbaru Israel. Tersandar di tiang masjid itu, aku termenung mengenangkan masa depan yang terumbang ambing kerana ditembak peluru-peluru gergasi buatan Amerika; dan masa lampau yang tidak dimanfaatkan. Hanya doa yang mampu kuucap, menagih belas kasihan yang Maha Esa seperti seorang bacul yang tidak mampu berusaha sendiri tetapi lebih cenderung untuk terus bertawakkal. Jauh di lubuk hati, aku mengharapkan doa dari saudara-saudara seagama di seberang dunia sana, meski dahulu aku cuai dalam tanggungjawabku untuk sekurang-kurangnya berdoa untuk mereka.

Marah bersulam sedih campur sedikit menyesal. Menyesal kerana longlainya aku sebagai anggota umat yang longlai. Longlai kerana hanya mampu melawan dengan kata-kata. Kata-kata yang mandul tidak diterjemahkan kepada perbuatan. Sinis di hati memikirkan Pemuda-(pemuda) yang dahulunya gah mencari wakil seluruh dunia. Semoga mereka sanggup ke medan perang memandangkan kini perang sudah menjengah ke muka pintu. Termasuklah ketua, naib ketua, dan entah apa jenis ketua mereka sekali.

Tiba-tiba kepalaku terasa pedih yang teramat. Penglihatanku kian kelam, suram sedikit demi sedikit. Dalam tempoh sesaat dua itu, aku sedar, kepalaku sudah diterobos peluru. Aduh, azabnya mati. Amal yang sedikit dibawa bekal, di samping maksiat dan sifat bacul tidak melawan yang bakal memberatkan neraca kiri. Kulihat sekeliling buat kali terakhir.

Dan aku terduduk di atas katil. Berpeluh lenjun.


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Banyak lagi aku nak komen tentang dunia ni. Tapi aku dah bosan. Kredit kpd saudara Tiqo. Semoga berbahagia.

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Selamat pengantin baru kepada Bo dan Lily; Fadhrazy dan Ilham Aliaa. Semoga berbahagia ke anak cucu cicit cuit.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Exam dah abes, world cup tengah best, tanah air memanggil2 kes kes kes...

Alhamdulillah... another 'burden' is all behind me... hopefully I'll pass with flying colours... insya Allah... have got nothing particularly important to do... which got me thinking various weird issues.. such as getting married... haha... kinda of funny considering the thought coming from a commitaphobe that I am... but come to think of it, I have been thinking about that quite a lot lately (i.e. this past two years..) possibly because I'm surrounded by people who has already gotten married or people who are planning of getting married...

ON THAT NOTE : TO SYED NABIL SYED AHMAD, CONGRATULATIONS =) !!!

worse still, people who have problems with their 'marriage' whom like always I'm happy to entertain... and quite a lot came to me lately... hmmm...

World Cup? Argentina has by far, showed the best performance so far... Not only due to the number of goals they scored so far, but also the flair that they showed in the two matches... Simply awesome... Brazil and England (tanah tumpah darahku =p*) have been not surprisingly disappointing.. possibly overrated, but in my opinion their opposing teams seem to enjoy sitting back and defend... sooo boring... a bit too predictable world cup it seemed this time...

But most importantly, I'm going home on Sunday! So looking forward to it... just spent +- 100 quid on gifts on tuesday... but it is all worth it =)


* dah tu kalo aku luka kat england, takkan darah tumpah kat togo lak...

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

And she says...

Last week Thursday I had my last ever 'hospital-date'. It was really fun and interestingly long. Started at 915 am, went to my GP practice; about 1200 noon went to Frenchay Hosp.; and ended up doing our presentation until 815 pm. Waited for a bus to come along. It was actually 830-ish when I actually managed to caught a bus. Sounds like a long tiring day, but believe me, it wasn't. Not with the things that I did, or rather the person that I did it with =) 2 is always the best number to do stuffs with, or rather almost always.

Long story short, we got on talking about stuffs. Various stuffs. From our homes which is coincidentally enough near seasides to the fact that both our keypads have 2** as the code. She got me thinking about stuffs, and I surely hope I managed to do the same thing to her.

Ever thought about flowers? In Malaysia we have them in abundance. In fact, there is a forest of flowers in front of my house. Along the motorways, abundance. Flowers are must have icons in Tourism-Malaysia adverts. Well I think we Malaysians are an awfully wasteful lot when it comes to flowers, throwing them away, plucking them from trees just for fun et cetera. And that day, I learnt that flowers are something of actual meaning. Ever notice how flowers actually goes from nay to present. Absent in winter and blooms in summer. Colouring the surrounding like the warm joyful season it is nowadays. Suiting dull cold winter and warm joyful summer with their respective colours. I'm sure people do realize that.

But how many of us actually appreciate the 'ni'mah' of this particular type of beauty when it comes to the flowers in Malaysia. Probably some would argue that they aren't as pretty but still... You wouldn't want it to be as barren as the Sahara desert. And what I meant by appreciating is actually thinking of the greatness of Allah...

Then we talked about the Bible. It is much of an argument because when it comes to this issue, I would prefer to stimulate thinking in other people rather than actually slamming their faces with a fact that is actually awkward to them (in other words, da'wah bil hikmah).

I purposely started the conversation by saying that I need to stop working to pray (I was so busy that day that I missed Dzuhur, astaghfirullah al-azim, may Allah forgive my sins). Then she asked me whether daily prayers limits my movement and ability to work. I said no, probably because I have been doing that like forever. And she said that she is always amazed by people with strong faith (which I pray is true in my case i.e. having strong faith). Later on I asked her, since she wasn't a Christian per se, does she actually believe in the Bible. She said some of them. One thing lead to another and we ended up talking about the fact that the Bible is actually an interpretation of John, Mark, Luke etc (can;t remember all unfortunately) of Jesus' sayings. A fact that I have actually already established in my mind. But I simply nodded in amazement to ask her a single most important question of the day (as far as I'm concerned), "then would you say that the Bible is not the word of God per se, but rather an interpretation of "Jesus' desciple" on his words..." And she said yes... And the conversation goes on.

The important thing that I learnt that day was that all the things that I was taught in KMB about Christianity and stuffs are actually of not so much use. Why did I come to such a ironical conclusion? Because the Christians (not generalizing, but from this particular experience, hence I might well be wrong) don't believe their Bible as we believe our Quran. To a certain extent I think is not wrong to say that they believe their Bible as we believe our Hadiths, a narration of someone else on the sayings of someone else (in the case of hadiths, Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.).

What implications does this bring about? In hindsight I deduced that the differences in the Bible doesn't bring much problem to the Christians. Even us muslims we have differences in the interpretation our hadiths, like how to wipe our head in wudhu. Although people might argue that our differences are rather suttle and not on the core issues, same goes with some of the differences in the Bible. For instance, what number of army does Jalut bring to fight Talut? Differences can come with misinterpretation or mis-hearing things, although we should not put off the fact that 'they' (whoever they are) made up the 'facts' in the first place.

Actual conclusion that i can come out with from this particular experience? Focus on the main things; seperti isu ketuhanan nabi isa dan pertentangan bukti-bukti yang ada dalam Bible. Insya Allah.

Alhamdulillah, the day ended well. We ended up finding out that we both enjoyed the seaside view. Huhh, I don't think anyone who has ever seen the reddish sky of dusk by the seaside would dare say that they hate the view of the seaside. Alhamdulillah i am blessed with one.

P/S - our patient that day has numbness of her left face, loss of pinprick and temperature sensation on her right side of the body, and this all happen with sudden onset. Also has horner's syndrome on her left eye. On examination her glossopharyngeal arches deviates to the left. Pretty simple differential diagnoses aint it? =)

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Islamic CG - Saladin


Hmm... interesting... very interesting indeed... regardless of the end quality of this production, it certainly gave me ideas... Like pursuing with my dream of making a film on Muhammad Al-Fateh... one day insya Allah...

Here is the link

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Change? : Philosophical Note


Pic taken from soccernet.espn.go.com originally by Mike Egerton/Empics

Today I witnessed one of the best performance from Manchester United in a few weeks. Immediately I recalled an episode of the poorer Manchester United forms from a few weeks back. It was simply amazing how MU has maintained an unbeaten run for quite a long time (9 matches so far... and I am confident it could simply go to 14 max this season.. and who knows, Premiership title as well...).

Anyhow, it is the subject of 'change' that I would like to convey this time around. Last week I faced a pretty difficult predicament requiring me to make a dramatically-changing decision. Buying a car, for 200 quid. Mint condition. I even got a test-drive (and soon enough after I held the steering wheel that I realized how unfamiliar UK roads are).

Dynamism in life is something that each and every one of us face some time in our life. Be it two years ago when actually deciding to come to UK or not, be it last year when deciding to rent a house or not, or be it a few weeks back when deciding to go on a trip or not. And yes, going on a trip is quite a big decision to make (at least for me it is), considering the monetary impact and most importantly time provision for the trip. For some reason (and I know this happen not to just me), going on a trip is somewhat challenging. I'm sure many people have come to realize that everytime they are on the verge of beginning a trip they felt like having thousands of butterflies in their stomach. Feeling anxious, nervous, the uncertainty of going to a new place could well be daunting to some.

Although this may sound rather elementary and obvious, one might realize that he/she might have subconsciously put aside the fact that making change could be a big thing for some. This 'trivial' element of life is sometimes regarded as, dare I say it, unnecessary.

For instance, our so-called 'da'wah'. Yes, the element of "ta'muruna bil ma'ruf, wa tanhauna anil mungkar". Daeis often forget the fact that making changes is a big thing for his/her mad'u. And easily, the daeis shower their mad'us with criticism. A daei might felt that criticism is a very crucial element in 'improvising people'. Yes, without doubt it is. But then again it is not THE most important element in "promoting improvisation" (not improvising, think about the difference, and the impact of the difference). Suggesting alternatives (for me) by far play a more important role in "promoting improvisation". For instance, securing his/her mad'u an environment that could promote improvisation. Criticism, on the other hand, might have the upperhand compared to the idea of "alternatives" in some situations, but could also be of damaging effects to promoting improvisation, especially in terms of two-way relationship between the daei and the mad'u. Hence, careful choice of words (and equally important, the right gestures) is a very important element in da'wah. This all come to basic nature of some people being hard to adapt or to accept change, even for the better (which could proof to be awkward to some).

My ramblings have gone far enough, I supposed. My point is, change is hard for some and as daeis one of our(?) role should be accepting the fact that change is hard and providing means to ease the change. And believe me, unnecessary use of 'powerful arabic words' doesn't help, at all. In fact, they tend to isolate people. Believe me, been there, felt it. People should be made to feel autarky, not be made to feel as if he/she is a fool or obnoxiously (yet rightfully not) ignorant. Not everyone likes to be a philologist. (On that note I would like to apologize for not readily adapting to the needs of others in the form of obliviously using 'huge' words, if any.)
Done for now...
MANCHESTER UNITED RULES!!! GLORY! GLORY! MANCHESTER UNITED!
End of communication...

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

PAKISTAN: AN ANECDOTE


"this is an pre-edited version of my father's account during his recent humanitarian mission in Pakistan. The edited version can be found in The Beat magazine 2006"


Cogitating at the picture of Zainab, 10 years old in her carmine dress I can’t help but to ponder about the future that lays ahead for my dear Shaza, equally 10, that I left behind. To my conscience, again I was deep in my own wandering mind thinking, “Is this Newsline magazine trying to stop me from leaving?”


I am now on board a plane back home to Malaysia. The food is “a bit low in terms of quality compared to what we have in MAS. Then again it is by far a luxury compared to they have in Jaglari Village, Bagh, Pakistan. The “thing” that God imposed upon them; be it a test or be it a wrath; is far worse than any earthly words could possibly describe. Sitting in my comfy seat reading a Newsline magazine they provided in this Pakistan International Airline (PIA) craft, I gave this tormented Pakistani soil one last gaze…

* * *

Date : 2nd December 2005
Time : 1400
Location : MERCY Headquaters, Ampang

“The temperature would range between -5°C to 3°C,” warned Dr. Faizal, the chief for this South Asian mission. It is the day before we left for Pakistan, briefing day in Malaysian Medical Relief Society (MERCY) headquaters in Ampang Point, Kuala Lumpur. It is also the day to get to know everyone in the team. There are all 6 of us in the team, Dr. Azlina (Orthopedic Surgeon, Hospital University Malaya), Dr. Shahila (O&G specialist, Taiping Hospital), Dr. Amir (surgeon, HUKM), Dr Natasha (General Practitioner, KL),Dr Chan (MO, Sabah), SN Norzaini (HUKM), Mr Gunalan (a sales manager from Petronas as our logistician) and lastly me, Halim Lim Abdullah (an MA from HTAA, Kuantan).

We were given a few reminders today. Security escort is a must when going anywhere. Curfew hours, 6 pm to 7 am. In case of any successive quakes, NATO or UN camp are the places to go.

Respecting culture is a must; it is preferable for women personnel to deal with women patients. They also advised the ladies to put on hijab which really makes all sense to me. Not because of the ‘conservative’ nature of the country, but just for the sole reason and significance behind the headscarf itself.


Date : 3rd December 2005

The next day at 7 am, we gathered at KLIA. The flight was at 9 am and we were transiting in Changi Airport, Singapore. Despite this being my fourth mission with MERCY, the excitement and anxiety seems to be everlasting. Well I supposed that is good as they say, “Anxiety keeps you alert.”

Later on that day, after a seemingly short 6 hours flight, we finally arrived in Karachi International Airport at 3 pm local time. At around 715 pm, we left Karachi for Islamabad, arriving at 930 pm. In Islamabad we were greeted by the first local flavour in our trip, Mr Tariq, an interpreter employed by MERCY. Mr Tariq took us to Royal Inn Hotel, where we rest to end our first day of adventure.


Date : 4th December 2005
Time : 1400
Location : Islamabad Airport

The heat is finally on. Right in front of me is a UN helicopter, loaded with technical apparatus ready to be lifted along with the anxious passengers. Destination : Bagh, Azad-Kashmir, Pakistan. An area that was literally flattened by the 8th October 2005’s catastrophe.

* * *

Occurring at 8:50:40 am, the earthquake with a grand magnitude of 7.6 on Richter scale marked the deadliest chapter in Pakistan’s 58 years history. It shook the ground of the epicentre in the Kashmir Mountains to as far as the populous Metropolis of Dhaka for 4 minutes. Spanning a total area of 28,000 sq km, millions felt it as it growled across the South Asian region.

The result was devastating. Massive human and material damage to the most picturesque and breathtaking regions of the country. Mansehra, Balakot, Muzzafarabad, Bagh, Batagram – all destroyed, literally. As of 8th November 2005, the Pakistani government official death tool was 87,350 and millions were left homeless in that split second of misery.

* * *

Nervous, anxious, jittery – it was like there was a butterfly in my stomach, laying eggs and gave rise to a whole bunch of other butterflies. My heart beat was through the roof. Enthusiasm and fretfulness were mingling to a rather equal proportion.

The one hour helicopter ride was an astonishing one, but not in a good way. From a bird’s-eye view, I was able to capture the holistic picture of the degree of damage caused by the calamity. Tumbling buildings, crushed land, scattering trees, dis-attached road. No wonder the aid service was so slow, the areas were practically impenetrable. (Nevertheless in such a predicament that is not an excuse, preparations really should and could have been much better.)


Time : 1500

Bagh is situated about 135km from the epicentre. We were initially told that Bagh was not so badly affected compared to other affected cities; for instance Muzaffarabad, Balakot and Garhi. Even so underestimate we did not and upon arrival, indeed we were right in not doing so. Bagh had only the least to offer the survivors. Only piles of debris and shaky structures. The closer we get, the uglier it is. There was no street with an intact house, no market, not even one functioning shop, no functioning hospital. No nothing. It was beyond abysmal.

Straight away after arriving in Bagh we were taken to ‘check-in’ at the ‘hotel’ we were going to be staying for the next couple of weeks or so, MERCY base camp.

Time : 2100

Our first task in Bagh – 2 caesarian sections, done in District Headquarters Hospital (DHQ) which was actually a large tent replacement for the actual DHQ that was reduced to rubble during the earthquake. Despite the shortcomings in fancy equipments Dr Shahila did an excellent job delivering the babies.

Later that night we went to sleep in our respective tents (2 tents, 1 for male another for female), at 3°C and no heating, not so much of a convenient stay. But no complaints, no success comes without sacrifice.


Date : 5th December 2005

As instructed during the briefing in MERCY HQ earlier on, we arranged ourselves into groups of two, one group to be based in DHQ managing O&G cases; another in PIMA relief camp dealing with mainly orthopedic cases. The other group was responsible for mobile clinics, traveling from one village to another giving out medications and giving out advices concerning healthcare. The idea was to alternate between these 3 tasks among ourselves.


Date : 6th December 2005
Time : 900

Today was my first mobile clinic session. Dr Natasha and I traveled to Jaglari Village, about 1 hour van ride away from our base camp. Travelling along with us were a few Pakistani army men as well as two other doctors from HELP, UK; Dr. Philip and Dr. Nazim. They were on a mission of doing a scabies survey. Actually all of us looked forward to going for this mobile clinic trip, particularly because these villages were known to have an amazingly amazing view. And indeed, Subhanallah, Jaglari Village was breathtaking.

Upon arrival n Jaglari Village at around 10 am, the villagers have already gathered in the appointed meeting spot which was merely an open area. Dr Natasha and I set up our ‘clinic’ (a ‘tikar’ with an array of medicines) whilst the soldiers gave the villagers a short briefing. Then the villagers lined up for their medications, quite in orderly fashion I must concur. No pushing; the gentlemen were gentlemen enough to let the elderly, women and their children to go first. Mainly the villagers came to us with problems such as URTI, muscle ache and some with post-trauma injury. Everything went on smoothly and a few hours later, we were all done. The villagers then served us with some local food, showing their sense of gesture. Rice with mutton and artichoke, not quite suiting our Malaysian taste buds, but again no complaints. Alhamdulillah.

Later that day we visited the remains of a school in Jaglari. On the day of the disaster there were children in the school building. As the school went down plummeting to the ground, the kids got trapped. By the will of Allah, the rescue aide’s (read = the villagers) quick action managed to minimise the casualty that could have otherwise been disastrous to the school.

At around 2 pm, we dishearteningly left the ever so warm villagers of Jaglari for base camp. We have to leave at 200 i.e. before dark in case of any unexpected emergencies. Language might have been a barrier, but somehow within that short period of time some sort of bonding prevailed.


Date : 7th December 2005

Wednesday. It was my turn to attend to our ortho clinic in the Pakistan Islamic Medical Association (PIMA)’s field OT. It was about 3 minutes walking distance from our base camp. The ortho clinic was a joint effort by MERCY and PIMA, they provide the tents we provide the doctors. PIMA also operate an Outpatient Department in the camp. Apart from volunteers such as Dr. Azlina (an orthopedic surgeon) and me, MERCY also employed a few full time workers such as Dr. Bashir, a doctor from Afghanistan and Haleem, a local OT technician.

We dealt with orthopedic cases, most commonly fractures and dislocations. Hence we did a lot of manual reduction, dressing, toilet and suturing as well as 2 skin grafting cases. We had about 32 patients that day.

* * *

Shaza came to us for a scheduled check up of her amputation wounds. She was 10 years old, obviously frightened. Accompanied just by her elder brother made me wonder, what could have possibly happen to her family. I did not dare ask her, she was looking devastated enough and surely did not need me asking her that. But as time progress Dr. Bashir and I managed to build up some rapport with her, and finally some smile on her face. She was something special.

As a matter of fact, there were loads of children such as Shaza in PIMA ward. Amputation limb was a common view. Some ‘Shazas’ did adapted and looked a bit more lively, but for some the tremor was so great that it shook the spirit out of them. Silence was a cruel sound to be heard in the ward.

* * *

Date : 8th December 2005

Today is O&G day for me. Based in DHQ with Dr. Shahila we saw 48 patients today. Generally for ultrasound and regular check-ups. Apart from that we also had to do 1 caesarian section, 3 normal deliveries and 1 dilatation and curettage.



Date : 9th December 2006 to 14th December 2006

Day by day running offered a distinctively different experience. In dealing with people, never underestimate how different some people could be. And never underestimate the lesson that one could teach another, be it a 92 years old man or a tiny 8 months old toddler. Even a 2 minutes old newborn gave me an intensely touching experience when her mother wept in tears of joy, for a new family member that was sent to replace the taken one.

One thing got me thinking – how in the world did these people survive in tents for such a long time? Even after a couple of weeks of tent-sleeping, the cold weather was killing my bones. And it is going to get worse. One of Mr Gunalan’s (our logistician) mission was to find a suitable house to be made our next base camp (a task both easy and hard – easy because so few houses were spared by the quake, hence not so hard to choose; hard because the houses left were mostly waiting for its time). He did find one eventually, a creaky, full of chink house but still ‘reliable’ (as said by a NATO engineer who was kind enough to check it out for us). Which again got me thinking – how about the Bagh people themselves? Currently they are living in family tents courtesy of Iranian Red Cross.


Date : 15th December 2005 & 16th December 2005

It was an enigma really, to leave or not to leave. A conundrum that was rather cruelly rhetorical. Anyhow we had to leave Bagh for Islamabad today. After a quick photo session with all the base camp crew, we left in a UN chopper. After spending the day in Islamabad, we left Islamabad for Karachi the next day.

* * *

Now here I am sitting in my comfy seat in PIA aircraft, reading the Newsline magazine given earlier. It might have been a very short couple of weeks, but having the opportunity to engage in such experience gave me not only self-satisfaction. It gave me a real sense of thankfulness towards the Al-mighty. For the time that I shared with Bagh was a period of helping; helping others as well as helping myself in my self-development in becoming a better Muslim. So true were the words of Abu Dzar Al-Ghifari, “This worldly life can be broken into 3 seconds – 1 that you have gone through, 1 that you are facing right now, 1 that you will be facing. And indeed, you only have 1 second in life, for death comes from second to second.”

I saw to it personally that his words were proven in Bagh. A second of disaster brought about a spectrum of hardship.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

The Beat 2nd Edition

Proudly presents...



Nantikan kemunculannya... dan kisah penuh anekdot ayahandaku di Pakistan...

P/S - dalam The Beat tu dah kene edit oleh saudari Farah selaku editor... ciss betul Farah =) anyhow kene tggu majalah tu kuar baru leh pos citer kat cni, respek editor punye pasal

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Aku di Ketewasan Ini

Mereka mencerca dogmaku
Mereka mengata semahu nafsu
Dan aku?
Hanya termangu
Marah?
Sugul?

Sedikit...

Jika relatif dengan kecewa dalam diri
Kecewa dengan ummah
Kecewa dengan peribadi
Kecewa kerana diri hanya mampu marah
Kecewa kerana diri kekal lalai

Teringat aku Khalifah Al-Mukmum
Srikandi Islam terkecis di bumi orang
Menjeritnya tuanku, "Cis!!"
"Lepaskannya, atau kepala tentera yang ada di bumimu akan berekor di bumiku"
Gentar, kecut, dan takut
Kerana ugutan itu bukan omong semata
Kerana ugutan itu mampu dikota

Pagi ini aku bergenang
Menatap perkhabaran maruahku dicemar lagi
Ini bukan pergulatan peribadi
Ini pergulatan kita
Pergulatan ummah yang lemah

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Looking for the purpose in life...

Arini bersambung lagi perbualan lepas... and this time the initial question was, what is the purpose to life?
Although i can;t actually see her (chatting), i could sense that her pupils are dilating rather immensely from the flow of the conversation... i.e. parasymphatetic response signifying huge sense of interest... agaknya mencari2 erti kehidupan... tujuan and arahtuju... disemburnya aku dengan soalan bertalu2, mencari suatu makna... makna kehidupan...
mengapakah ada manusia menderita... atau lebih tepat lagi, mengapa Tuhan 'mahu' sebahagian dari kita menderita... i answered quite extensively but in short, life is a test... distinguishing a believer from a non... i must admit, choosing the right terms in such circumstance is such a pain in the s... rumit, sangat rumit...
and then she asked, why? i.e. kenapa Tuhan yg maha penyayang mesti menguji manusia?
dan aku jawab... (aku pn dah tak ingat apa aku jawab)... namun jwpnku semua berbalik pd tujuan kehidupan jua...
dan kuajukan pula, apakah tujuan kehidupanmu?
diam sementara... aku pegi layan tv kejap... citer top gear... kereta bugatti... cun siot...
balik2 dia tgh jawab... to live life... (aku tak paham perbincangan abstract cmnih)... but and to cherish life and the world, to help and support our neighbour; but most of all to love...
sedang aku menyusun kalimah utk bertanya lanjut dia bingkas mengajukan soalan... dia hairan kenapa manusia yg 'the kindest' adalah org2 yg sering dipunish...
aku jwb...
"i also think that kindest people in this world are the ones most often punished (read = tested)..."
sbb keyakinannya pd Tuhan... dan kukhabarkn lagi... krn dlm Quran, Tuhan menguji hambanya berdasarkan iman... aku guna term 'faith in God' sbgai ganti perkataan ima... tatau camner nk apply dlm jwpn kpd kehidupan non-muslim...
dia bertanya lagi... apakah yg Quran ckp psal hubungan dlm kehidupan... i.e. relationships...
aku ckplar pjg kalo nk explain sumer... tp basically rship ada 3 kategori... dgn Allah, sesama manusia dan alam sekitar (thank you bahan usrah form 5)... and muslims are told to love each other as they love themselves (althou tak berlaku dlm realiti dunia semasa)...
pendek kata, buat baik dgn sumer bende atas planet bumi, planet2 sekitar dan seluruh alam...
by now aku dh konpius...
pastu dia kata aku dh jwb soalan dia... makin konfius aku... dia berterima kasih, aku bersama-sama... "welcome, i supposed..."
alhamdulillah atas nikmat iman yg dtg percuma tapi kemudiannya menuntut 'bayaran'...
P/S - maaf atas 'pergaulan' bahasa yg melampau... ada tujuannya.. personally, i'm astonished by the concern that she showed for her fellow beings... a rather phylosophical discussion... i would like to think that i hv done my best... and yes, somewhere in between, i managed to slip in explaination to why the need for hell...

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Conundrum, enigma, puzzle etc... solve this please =)

Looking for feedbacks after she went to the talk (rujuk : Alhamdulillah... step one... 16/02/2006) I decided to have a nice chat with her (conveniently, dia dok sblah aku aritu)... Long story short, one thing lead to another and we ended up discussing about her beliefs... I asked her whether she's happy being a Christian... and her answer slightly shocked me... "I wouldn't call myself a Christian," she said... "I have got a few issues that I don't agree with Christianity..." I said to myself, ada harapan nih... and i asked, "For instance?"...

"For instance why would an Al-Forgiving God banish someone to an eternity of sufferings (i.e. hell)?"... "But I do belief that God exists and Jesus is the son of God... and that we should all live to please God etc" more or less what she said...

At that point I have got a few pointers in mind, and trying to decide whether to defend the concept of Hell or not... Decided not to in the end (or rather put the idea on hold); fearing insufficient knowledge that could potentially end up with her having even stronger grip on her belief that I definitely know is wrong... In other words, fearing not being able to explain to her clearly... nasib baik dia tgh cakap psal Christianity, bole escape kejap...

She fell sick later that day, not terribly shocking as she did sneeze quite a lot before then (although still cheerful)

So bros & sis(s), camner ek nk citer? I have got a few ideas but would rather not share them with you to maintain authenticity of your answer(s)... when answering, keep in mind siapa dia and kepercayaan dia...

Syukran jazilan in advance... aku ada rasa cam aura2 yg ada cahaya di hujung terowong utk dia... insya Allah...

P/S - ym bole, skype bole, mana2 pun bole...

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Picturesque 5





13th Muharram 1427H, 11th February 2006 : Cliffs of Moher, The Burren, Galway, Ireland

لَوْ أَنزَلْنَا هَذَا الْقُرْآنَ عَلَى جَبَلٍ لَّرَأَيْتَهُ خَاشِعًا مُّتَصَدِّعًا مِّنْ خَشْيَةِ اللَّهِ وَتِلْكَ الْأَمْثَالُ نَضْرِبُهَا

لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

"Had We sent down this Qur'an on a mountain, verily, thou wouldst have seen it humble itself and cleave asunder for fear of Allah. Such are the similitudes which We propound to men, that they may reflect. "

هُوَ اللَّهُ الَّذِي لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا هُوَ عَالِمُ الْغَيْبِ وَالشَّهَادَةِ هُوَ الرَّحْمَنُ الرَّحِيمُ

"Allah is He, than Whom there is no other god;- Who knows (all things) both secret and open; He, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. "

Surah Al-Hasyr (Exile) : verse 21 & 22

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Alhamdulillah... step one... many more coming up? God willing...

Alhamdulillah... we had a religious talk yesterday... Muhammad : The Man Who Changed the World... dia datang... first time ever i supposed... dia kata dia taktau apa2 psal Islam... for whatever reason most importantly dia datang... hidayah tu urusan Allah... me? i'm only His 'messenger-boy'... frankly speaking, the ideal world would be she coming to me... not the other way around... the latter is quite hard but that is the case most of the time..

"O Allah, if pre-destined that i'm the one to bring this friend of mine to You, give me strength and bravery... give me the intelligence to work with hikmah..."

Ameen...

Monday, January 30, 2006

Picturesque 4


I found this picture in someone's website... care to give it a title? =)

One day insha Allah... as said in the website;


"The sun may have set, but it will, God willing, rise again"

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Real Peace of Mind Only Possible with Hamas

BBC Arabic radio asked a so-called expert about what he thought Hamas should be doing now that it is likely to be the next government in the Palestinian territories. He said Hamas has to change because the Palestinian people would want a government that recognizes Israel, that is willing to resume peace negotiations and that will in turn be acceptable to the United States. If this is truly what the Palestinian people wanted they might as well have settled for Fatah and not elected Hamas.

The people of Palestine gave Hamas their trust exactly because it is not what the expert was suggesting; it does not recognize the State of Israel, it is not willing to pursue a humiliating and illusive peace that does away with Palestinian rights and it is more interested in being accepted by the Palestinian people than by the USA or anybody else.

Furthermore the Palestinian people chose Hamas because of its clean and supportive hands; Hamas has proven itself to be a movement that carries the people on its back instead of riding on their backs. Hamas was given the vote because of the sacrifices it made in order for Palestinian rights to remain intact.

The fact that Hamas does not, and will not, recognize the legitimacy of the state of Israel or its right to exist, does not mean that Hamas is not capable of negotiating a peace deal that would end the bloodshed and give both sides a break from the pain and suffering. Hamas would negotiate a settlement based on the concept of hudnah (truce). As far as Hamas is concerned, and that is the position of the majority of the Palestinian people inside as well as outside Palestine, Israel exists on land stolen from the Palestinian. The creation of the state of Israel was a solution to a European problem and the Palestinians are under no obligation to be the scapegoats for Europe's Whiteman's failure to recognize the Jews as human beings worthy of respect and entitled to inalienable rights. Hamas, like all the Palestinians, refuse to be made to pay for the criminals who perpetrated the Holocaust. However, Israel for Hamas is a reality and that is why it is willing to deal with that reality in a manner that is compatible with its values and principles.

A young Palestinian Hamas supporter dressed in camouflage raises his finger during a rally celebrating the group's victory in parliamentary elections, in the Khan Younis Refugee Camp, southern Gaza Strip, Friday, Jan. 27, 2006.

It would be a grave mistake on the part of the Israelis, but more so the American and the Europeans, to ignore the wish of the Palestinian people to be represented by the likes of Hamas. Instead of making 'politically correct' statements about Hamas having to do this or that the Europeans must lead the way in recognizing that Hamas today speaks for the Palestinians and therefore has to be communicated with.

Contrary to the claims of alarmists who see the election victory by Hamas a threat to peace, a new horizon for peace making is at our threshold. The entire peace making episodes of the past were based on assumptions absolutely unacceptable to the majority of the Palestinians and those who support their just cause. From Oslo to the Road Map it was always assumed that Israel was the victim that needed to live in peace and security and that the key to this was the end of Palestinian terrorism. The new peace episode that Hamas may indeed be willing to be part of should be based on the fact that the Palestinians are the victims and have been victims since Israel was created on their soil. It is not Palestinian terrorism that is the problem but Israeli aggression.

The late Sheikh Ahmad Yassin who was cut into pieces and his brain poured out of his skull when Israel shot him with an air to surface missile spelled it out for all to ponder a long time ago. He said we shall never recognize the theft of our land but we are willing to negotiate a ceasefire whose duration can be as a long as a generation's life and let future generations on both sides decide where to go then. His conditions for the cease fire are in total agreement with international law and are as fair to both sides as anyone can get. Israel has to give back what it occupied in 1967 as it was then without any Jewish settlements or settlers and has to release all Palestinian prisoners. For that Hamas would be willing to halt its armed struggle and instead pursue peaceful means.

The IRA whose leaders sit in the House of Commons and who negotiated a deal with the British government continue to dream of uniting Northern Ireland with the rest of the Republic; it was never a condition for the peace talks that they should first abandon the dream.

Well, let the Palestinians dream of the end of Israel and let the Israelis dream of Eretz Yizrael from the Nile to the Euphrates but let's negotiate an end to the violence. Hamas alone is capable of that because Hamas will not give up the right of the Palestinians to go back to the villages and towns from which the terrorists who stole their land to build their own state drove them away.

Azzam Tamimi

Visiting Professor

Nagoya University Japan

Azzamtamimi@gsid.nagoya-u.ac.jp

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Kosong

Penghujung jalan itu... Bristol Suspension Bridge



Kosong...
Relatifnya kosong
Tiada atau ada
Elok atau durjana
Teka teki dari jiwa ke jiwa
Teka teki dari hati ke hati

Jiwaku?
Tiada ku berilmu perihal itu
Berteleku - fikirku hatiku kosong
Kerana kosong omong dijamung
Mengisi hati fikrah ukhrawi
Mengerigi mentaliti cinta duniawi

Benarkah fikirku hatiku kosong?
Mungkin kini, tapi bagaimana nanti?
Tabahkah? Sabarkah? Akankah?
Istilah istiqamah mampukah dihayati?
Dalam mencari tagih rindu Ilahi
Dalam memupuk teguh rindu di hati

Oh Tuhan!
Aku merayu ke hadratMu
Biarlah fikirku hatiku kosong
Andai kosong itu tagih diisi
Agar biar di sana nanti
Wajahku terang alam diterangi
Memancar cahaya cinta hakiki



Idia Idawsa
11:10pm
25 Zulhijjah 1426 bersamaan 25 Januari 2006

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Hayat Indah

27-30 Disember 1996


Di sisi tiang berukir atas renda sejadah
kudus tulus doa fakir yang amat gundah.
Khusyuknya utama mengharap restu abadi
surah-surah suci demi hidup dan mati.

Meluncur unggas menara tergetar rumpun taman
bayu berlagu syahdu di kalbu yang rindu
begitu buana berdetak dalam hikmah masa
begitu ghairah hasrat seganjil rahsia senja.

Yang dikenal wajah dan disangsi maruah;
disapa cakerawala, yang diuji manusia
demi hari demi sepi hati inti diri
dan demi malam salam menghiasi alam.

Bilal dan bibir, jemaah dan fakir
tamsil kasih dalam kemelut getir
awal teka-teki di tangan yang alpa
kini rendang mengharum darma ibadah.

Dari hening azan nafas seranum iman;
meresap rindu ke puncak reda Tuhan -
pesan tak bersuara di hati telah terkata
jiwa seindah rimba anugerah Maha Kuasa.

Rehal dan Quran, serindit dan nisan
damai dalam firman Allah Yang Esa
terercik kirai cahaya meluhuri dada
dan sabda Muhammad mengindahi hayat kita.


A. Samad Said

Saat Kulekatkan Dahiku

Saat kulekatkan dahiku perlahan-lahan ke lantai
marmar, kekerdilanku dan kebesaran-Mu
berlumba-lumba terjun ke sumur diriku.
sumur berkecipak. dosaku meriak.
Tak pernah kumimpi, suatu hari, aku
bisa berwuduk, bisa membasuh kalbuku
dengan air dari pipa baitulmuqaddis;
apa lagi berkali-kali menyebut-Mu
dan memuji-Mu dalam serentet doa panjang,
di suatu zuhur dingin yang jernih,
di suatu sudut asing yang putih,
di atas sejadah bersejarah masjid al-aqsa.
aku musafir yang datang menimba air
dari kolah di rumah-Mu. kupilih rumah ini
antara jutaan rumah-Mu kerana kehebatan
kisah yang tersimpan dalam sejarahnya.
saat kuucap salam perlahan-lahan, memandang
ke kanan dan ke kiri, ada sepercik sinar
jatuh di hadapanku dari dinding yang
dipenuhi kaligrafi purba



masjid al-aqsa
baitulmuqaddis
musim dingin 1995



Buku `Pasar Pengalaman' – T. Alias Taib

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Adoilar...penatnyer blajo...

Ni sebahagian buku2 yg koi kena telan utk final exam tahun lepas... tahun nih kurang sket, tapi mencanak jugak...
*****
*****
*****
Cepat sangat naik gear 7... skrg nk jalan gear 2 pun susah...
*****
*****
Tuhan
KepadaMu HambaMu merayu
Dipintaskan segala mehnah
Dicacaikan segala payah
Dipermudahkan segala usaha
Diperkenankan segala doa
*****
*****
Staminaku kian pudar
Dalam maraton dunia yang kian beredar
Masaku kian suntuk
Fikiranku kian keruk
Hatiku makin merusuh
Minta dilepaskan dari kitab yg kini dipandang jenuh
Keruh dan lusuh
*****
*****
Ungkapan 5 minit ini
Kukamit sendiri
Kerana diri genit ini
Sudah perit mentaati
Kitab-kitab Respi, GI dan anatomi
*****
*****
Tuhan
Aku penat
Berikan aku sihat
Agar dapat aku memahat
Jawapanku dengan tepat
*****
*****
Amin... ya rabbal alamin